I was sooo encouraged by how much Valley enjoyed Sunday school but then when I went to drop her off in the child care on Monday (while I went to my mom’s group) she cried the second we approached the doorway. Oof. The weird part is that on the way there she told me (unprompted and of her own volition) she wanted me to leave her. Which she maintained all through P’s school sign in morning drop off routine…and then like a record scratch she did a 180 as soon as we walked to the next classroom down. Psych! And I thought I was going to get to actually hang out with my friends! Waahhhh.
First though. I ate breakfast.
No wait. First I did T25. In our living room! While the kids ate breakfast and cheered me on…ha! Kyle’s out of town and these are the desperate measures I have to take to get my endorphins on. It was actually pretty sweet because I swear they could tell when I really needed it and then they’d say “go mama.”
I had coffee before leaving the house, but nothing else because we get breakfast at mops. It’s the one day that I push the limits of fodmaps and I basically plan for it all month long (because we only have meetings once or twice a month). But because Valley needed me with her in child care for much of the time, I only had a few bites. After a few different tries, she finally got to a good place for the final 30 minutes or so. Enough for me to get a little mama time in. I’ll take what I can get.
I did manage to finish this painting in the ten free minutes I had between trips to the child care room. I think it’s better for the artist in me to not put in much effort because then I don’t care when my art sucks. It’s hanging in the garage because what else am I going to do with it?!
This was lunch. Plus another 50 carrots.
And this because I wasn’t totally satisfied.
It rained in the afternoon but V slept so late that we didn’t have a ton of time, so we wound up at the library. I needed new books for the week because I was planning on doing stroller strides instead of story time on Tuesday. It’s the only day without rain that I can swing it and with Kyle gone it’s one of the few things I make sure I do for myself. Self care is important and I’m terrible at it when he’s gone. He always makes me promise to treat myself well while he’s away, and it seems like I’m making excuses, but it’s really hard because the reality is I can’t put myself first. It’s impossible. But there’s a sweet spot that I need to work on getting to…
I gave the kids leftover burgers from my parents’ place and made a huuuuge Caesar for myself. It had two kinds of kale and Brussels sprouts and tessamae’s dressing.
Plus a little bit of sheep pecorino romano.
This is a new kind that I got at Nugget and I liked it a lot. It’s super similar to the one I get at TJs but not quite as salty. Still amazing though.
Once the kids were bathed and in bed I opened up the birthday present I bought myself with the Sur La Table gift card from Kyle’s parents. I’M SO EXCITED to use them!! They’re beautiful. 🙂
And this happened. Times two. Oops. I mean, I’m not sorry about it, but I feel like I should be honest with my serving and make my initial platter the right size rather than go back for more. I had another plate of almost equal size.
Strange question … but it seems like your husband is gone all of the time. Have you guys considered hiring a sitter or two for during the week so that you can have at least an hour or two of free time? I’m not a mom so maybe that is completely out of line … BUT it seems like exposing V to more people more frequently might help with the times when you drop her off for activities where there are group sitter situations?
Lindsay you are tapping into something for which I need major amounts of therapy…and that would be coming to terms with the expense of what is to some degree (in my eyes) an unnecessary thing. Although a lot of people agree with you that I need to get comfortable with giving myself a break, I have a hard time justifying it since I don’t have an income. I know I know I know, my job as a mom is invaluable. Kyle has begged me to get a sitter to help while he’s gone. It’s entirely my issue. I won’t even bother writing more because like I said at the outset, this is something that I’ve grappled with for hours and hours with friends and family and I still have a block pulling the trigger. I appreciate your comment very much though 🙂
I totally get V’s excitement and then total fear of going to child care. My daughter does the same thing! Not with child care as I have never left her anywhere, but we will talk things that she is unsure of up and she will get excited, or at least less resistant, and then when it comes time to actually do said thing–bam! Tears and fussing and huge melt downs. I am glad Vcame around for the last 30 minutes at least. That is progress!
With this next baby on the way I need to get more comfortable leaving my daughter with other people…so far in her 22 months I have only left her twice, both times with my mom for doctors appointments. I have wanted to check out MPOS since she was born, but I know that, like V, she will not want to go to child care. I think I just need to bite the bullet and try it! Even if I have to stay in child care with her the whole time, it will be a first step…
I totally understand the cheerleading! I have 4 young kids, and when my husband travels, it’s the same thing. Somehow, they know that mama needs to get her endorphins flowing to be an even better mom!:-) I’m with you on the comment above! It’s SO hard for me also to justify having to pay for help watching my kids when I myself don’t have an income. I am considering joining a gym with childcare though…it would probably be good for all of us!
On another note, sometime I would love to see how you meal plan/grocery shop. I understand that might be a very time consuming post though!
Oh I’m so so glad to hear you relate to that! A gym is totally a win win with the exercise option plus child care. I often think if P didn’t have allergies I may have tried to join a gym…
What specifically do you have questions about as far as meal planning and shopping goes? I’m happy to answer it in a post but would love to know what exactly you want to hear about.
I feel you. I 100% relate. I have no advice on this, just know that you aren’t alone in these feelings and struggles. P only had my parents watch him until he started preschool at 3.5 but there were steps along the way that helped and with age comes developmental growth – things like gymnastics and soccer classes that I wasn’t with him in for example.
We do a weekly music class and she likes it but sits in my lap the while time. And when we get up to dance she insists on being held and having me dance around with her rather than dancing around on her own like most of the other kids. I of course love her snuggles and want her to feel safe and comfortable, but I wonder if this is my fault for never leaving her. The 2 times I have left he with my mom have been in the past month and a half and I cried both times, lol. So we both have separation anxiety, apparently 🙂
I really admire the way you are trying with the church child care and MOPS with V! I am sure having P as an example helps too. Hopefully both of our girls will catch on to the fact that mamas always come back and that it can be fun to play with other kids and toys soon!
I think the same is true with everything with babies/toddlers…they are learning and we have to teach them, be it through repeatedly feeding them broccoli or potty training or returning while being away for some prolonged amount of time. I’m not sure that there’s any correlation in them crying and doing it any sooner because I know a mom who did all sorts of degrees with her four children and they all cried and went through that stage. The only thing we can do is use repetition to prove the outcome, right? I can PROMISE you her personality in music has nothing to do with you not leaving her though. Of that I’m sure. I’ve been to 189703485 music classes at this point and seen the spectrum of kids’ reactions. It’s completely different for every personality. P and V are soooo different in how they react to music class and me being there.