Journal May 25

May 25, 2015

May 28th is my mom’s birthday and I am pretty excited to go to celebrate with her.  She’s turning 60 and that’s a big one.  It seems like after 30 you only celebrate the round decades so waiting a whole ten years for the next “big” birthday is an awfully long time to wait…

My parents were just in Europe for a long trip.  Just the two of them.  They had a blast and it makes me happy to see them so happy.  I have good role models – for parenting and for husband/wife-ing (couple-ing? what’s the terms for this?).  Whatever.  They are a good couple and I look up to them.  I hope Kyle and I are tackling Prague on foot and sampling Berlin’s finest beers when we are 60 too.

This weekend was good but it just makes me wish every weekend was three days long.  Is that a depressing way to look at it?  Kinda.  I used to live for the weekends for my own enjoyment, but now I live for them for the enjoyment of our family.  I’m trying really hard to keep my hormones balanced and be “normal” for the sake of Kyle (as if it’s possible to will my hormones into a certain state…but there’s only a finite amount of crazy that he can handle and so I try to keep that in mind).  Of course he wouldn’t want me to keep things bottled up from him, but the truth is, I have neuroses that even I acknowledge are ridiculous and should be shut up.  I’m a new mom.  I should accept help.  But (like he tells me) I want to do it all.  Spoiler alert: I can’t.  At least not without having mental breakdowns on a semi-regular basis.  Luckily I have exercise.  It’s my “me time” and I know it may seem obsessive and unhealthy how badly I feel like I NEEEEED it, but it’s truly helpful in managing my stress and setting the tone for the day.  I shouldn’t be so hard on myself for the level of effort I put forth…because really ANYTHING is an accomplishment at this point, but, yeah, I am so dang hard on myself.  I don’t think I’ve taken more than a handful of days off from working out in the past year.  And that’s including pregnancy and post partum.  I’m just making it work because even if I dread going into it (so tired… so so tired) I never regret it at the end.  And it definitely invigorates me.  Which is so necessary with a toddler and two month old.

Oh my gosh V is two months old!  Insert cliche time flies manifesto here.  She is cooing and smiling and responding to me and P in a way that lights us all up.  So adorable.

Random note: I keep getting emails (ok, I’ve really only gotten two) from google ads that my blog has violated some agreement.  What the what?  First off, I didn’t even know I had google ads (shouldn’t I be getting paid for that or something?).  Second, what ads are these?