and a hard place the golden arches. That’s where I was stuck this past weekend.
It started Friday morning, before setting off on our road trip to Palo Alto. Kyle and I offered to pick up breakfast for our driving companion, but he didn’t get the text in time. As a result, we were happily fed and Starbuck’s-ed before the drive began, while our friend was in need of breakfast. He requested that we hit up the McDonald’s drive-thru before getting on the freeway. Hm. This is where my inner battle began.
Do I voice my anti-fast-food opinion and refuse to go to the golden arches? Or do I shut my mouth and let him make his decision without my own personal beliefs ruining his breakfast?
Let’s set aside the fact that complying with his request would mean a six+ hour car ride with nausea inducing smells (I literally get queasy when I smell fast food).
Ok. Here’s the thing. McDonald’s represents everything my blog is against. And although I consider myself open minded and accepting of others’ choices, I also feel I have somewhat of a responsibility in terms of educating others about nutrition. I’m a cardiac nurse after all. If this person were my friend, I would have no issue speaking my mind (saying hell no to 7 am Egg McMuffins). But, he is Kyle’s classmate, so I don’t feel like I am close enough with him to be quite as opinionated. It’s a fine line. I certainly don’t want to be that obnoxious person talking sh!t about others’ food choices, but at the same time, if this is something I’m passionate about (which I am!), then isn’t it my job to speak out about the truth? I guess ultimately it’s all about how one goes about doing this. Tact is an art form. And being informative without being condescending is also a skill. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at this.
In the end, though, Kyle saved the day and spoke up before I had a chance to make up my mind. We ended up going to a bagel place.
While on the road, we got to talking about food and health care and the role of nutrition in disease prevention. It was amazing to me how we were all on the same page about these issues (he’d even seen Super Size Me and read Fast Food Nation), and yet, for him McDonald’s was still a food option. I sound judgmental, I know. But I’m passionate about this subject. It’s hard to see people with hypertension, heart disease and diabetes in the hospital day after day and not want to share the facts about the causes. So sue me. Others may think this is judgmental (and not my place), but I’m just being honest. If I’m afraid to raise my voice, then who is going to do it?
Anyway, for those wondering, our driving buddy was very receptive to what I had to say, and although I held back considerably, I still made sure he knew the reason I was anti-McD’s. If nothing else, maybe he will think twice next time he opts for the drive-thru window. Or maybe not. It’s his choice either way, and now I can rest easy knowing it’s an informed decision, having shared my knowledge on the matter with him in a kind and respectful way.
What are your thoughts? One the one hand, it takes balls to speak out to friends and family about such personal lifestyle choices, like diet (since it can be seen as obnoxious). But on the other hand, it’s each person’s right to make his/her own decision about what to eat.
I guess for me, it ultimately comes down to knowledge. As long as people have the information and understand what it means, they can do whatever they want with it, and that’s their prerogative.
On that note, here’s my latest obsession.
Thanks to Follow Your Heart’s delicious vegan salad dressings, I’ve been a veggie queen as of late.
Who knew Caesar dressing could be both vegan and yummy? And organic, too!
When I was in high school I went through a major Caesar salad phase. It was all I ordered. Ever. I had forgotten how much I loved it until Follow Your Heart offered me products to try. As I browsed the website, I was instantly drawn to their vegan Caesar dressing and my fond memories of romaine crunch came flooding back.
So I tried to create an equally as tasty (vegan) version.
Vegan Caesar Brutus salad
- lettuce (romaine is optimal, but I used spinach)
- carrots
- bell peppers
- sprouts
- extra firm tofu, cubed
- Follow Your Heart vegan Caesar dressing
- nutritional yeast
*if you’re a big nerd you’ll get the title reference
After combining all the salad ingredients, I added the dressing, gave it a good toss, and then added a bit more dressing and sprinkled nooch on top.
Et tu Brute?
This salad, while not much like the real Caesar, is much better. Probably not stab-your-friend-in-the-back better, but really good nonetheless.
Tofu is a good substitute for chicken; while the sprouts are the perfect ingredient to soak up all the dressing, much like croutons would. In addition to this delish dressing, sprouts are officially my new bestie. They make everything better. I need to get my sprout on (perpetual to-do list item)…
I loved this post. I recently decided that if I was going to blog about my goals for weight loss and healthy living, I needed to say no to fast food for good. I had majorly cut back on it but I needed to completely let go and never have it again. I’m so glad I made that decision. I’ll never understand why I was eating it if it made me feel so terrible and I KNEW it was bad for me!
I’m a big nerd and loved the Brutus reference. Ha!
I NEED to get that salad dressing!
I love that you wrote about the challenge you were nearly faced with. I have the hardest time seeing others eat McDs and generally unhealthy food because I know it’s so harmful and they really are simply ignorant as to what is in it, etc. I’m not perfect w what I eat but I feel that I at least know like if I’m going to eat an Oreo, that it’s full of junk. I feel like everyone needs to be warned, like waaait, wouldn’t you rather have this instead?? I know everyone has a right to make their own choices but I feel like most people are sadly, way oblivious as to what choices they’re really making.
Elise, have you seen the documentary “Fat Head”? I’d be really interested in your opinion. The documentary-maker goes on a low-carb fast food diet, loses weight and supposedly lowers his cholesterol, too. He espouses a paleo diet and argues that saturated fat doesn’t cause heart disease, but, instead, its sugars, starch, and processed vegetable oils that do.
I would have said nothing in that situation…it’s one meal, it’s breakfast, it’s drive thru on a road trip, and I wouldnt have wanted to choose that as my battle to fight. But that’s me, he’s a grown man, not my friend/associate/colleage, not my problem to so speak. And to speak up would have just created…tension (for me at least) so I would have said nothing.
But I applaud anyone who has the balls TO say something. I think it’s great!
And I think it was better coming from Kyle so that you didnt have to get in the middle.
I am anti conflict and confrontation…can you tell? 🙂
Great post, Elise. lots of food for thought!
I agree with the comment above — I wouldn’t have said anything – it’s his decision to make, and it’s just one meal.
Also somewhat relatedly, but as a separate point, all of the healthy bloggers sometimes preach about their wonderful anti-‘the man’ diets, but if you look at the food eaten, sometimes it’s a 100g (all-natural, organic) chocolate bar which still contains the same 66% of your daily saturated fat that a regular chocolate bar does… or eating a giant cupcake or cookie every day etc. Food should be judged not with a wide lens but considering each thing on its own — and finally and most importantly…everything in moderation!
I am glad Kyle saved the day. I don’t understand how someone can be that conscious and still rely on that place as a decent food option… Whatever. I am sure he is a great guy but it seems like there are way too many people out there like this. You are doing your job everyday on this blog and at work educating people which is awesome and you should be proud of yourself!
I would have said something as well (also waiting to see if anyone else speaks up)! I agree it walks a fine line though. I’m a pharmacist, and run a smoking cessation clinic. So hard for me not to say things to people I don’t know about not smoking…don’t get me started!
yup. totes got the salad title reference. wow. i am a big nerd.
so rusty read this post and was VERY upset when he realized that auntie e won’t be taking him to mickey d’s to get his happy meal on. however, i explained that you would be more than willing to share your hummus with him, so he relaxed.
the last time kyle ate something from mcdonald’s was when we were at the airport after alana’s wedding in chi town. and he was so sick from the hamburger. that he hasn’t touched one since. and i honestly can’t remember the last time i ate at mickey d’s. BUT. i do remember the last time i went there. after my wedding reception. in my wedding dress. to buy ruby a mcflurry. because it was balls hot outside and she’d just spent an hour being our photog’s biatch.
xoxo
I agree with Averie and the reader above. Seriously? It was one meal and kind of selfish of you to think that because you had already eaten, you shouldn’t be subjected to the smell of an Egg McMuffin, which is basically an egg and an English Muffin. It’s possible that some of your “health” food would be smelly to him in a similar situation.
While I love your blog and respect your views, it’s the preaching that gives other vegans–such as myself–a slightly bad reputation at times. Education is great, but this was one meal and one road trip. He’s an adult and can make his own decisions. I would butt out and go with the flow. Take care of yourself and move on.
I find myself biting my tongue a lot on others’ food choices because I don’t want to cause conflict–it’s their body/their choice. And I find this topic SO HARD to broach in a tone that doesn’t come across as condescending or judgmental. Probably because it is such a personal choice. So I am working on that!
At the same time, I believe there is a way to share passion/knowledge in a respectful way–and educating people is important. So good for you for speaking up when the moment is right!
And that salad looks amazing! I recently made a vegan ceasar dressing and am kind of obsessed. It’s so so good!
I don’t usually say anything about other peoples’ food choices because I’m just not ballsy enough. It’s a fine line for sure- I hate when other people question my food choices, so I try not to question theirs. But in certain cases, I have to wonder if they’re making informed decisions, and I think this scenario falls into that. In my mind, if someone has educated themselves on the evils and still decides to eat it, it’s their problem. It’s kind of stupid of them, but it’s their problem. Do you remember that part in Super Size Me where one of the interviewees is talking about how it’s socially acceptable to heckle smokers about their bad habits, but not unhealthy eaters? This post reminds me of that. I kind of hope we’re getting closer to the point where it IS okay to talk about nutrition with people, but at the end of the day I always remind myself that it’s their body and their choice. I love this post though- definitely a lot of food for thought!
Those kind of situations are so hard, even with my friends and family. My family knows why I eat the way that I eat, and knows what I think about animal based diets vs plant based diets, yet I think that some of my family members don’t actually believe that what I tell them is true. Many of my friends are vegetarians and some are actually studying public health, but for the few that aren’t it is always tough. I actually had a conversation with a friend this weekend and while she enjoys eating vegan food, she doesn’t believe that eating a totally plant based diet is healthy and obviously, I disagree. I gave her some facts, but in the end, I didn’t really want to get in a fight about it. I don’t typically foist my ideas on others, especially if they don’t ask or aren’t my friends/family, but hope that they may learn through seeing my healthy choices and if they happen to ask me anything about why I eat the way I do, I use it as a learning opportunity. As far as the friend of Kyle’s in the car, that is a tough one because you had to sit in the car with the food, therefore it effected you too. I’m glad that Kyle said something! Thanks for posting this! It is definitely something that we as vegans or vegetarians need to reflect on especially if we care about people around us.
Really great post! I think a lot of us struggle with the decision of whether or not to speak up about other’s food choices. I tend to keep my mouth shut in cases other than my family because I think only they understand I’m critical out of love. But although health is a major part of my life I’m still not even close to being a perfectly healthy eater so I think it would be wrong of me to voice my opinion about other people’s unhealthy food choices. In the end it sounds like your whole situation was conflict free and I completely agree that it comes down to knowledge and what one chooses to do once they have the knowledge. I think you handled the whole thing really well! 🙂
Thanks so much for this post! This is definitely something that’s coming up more now for me as my understanding of food and where it comes from evolves.
I recently ate out with my dad. While he supports my choice to be vegetarian, he definitely will not be making that choice any time soon. That night he ordered veal, the special. I had a really big problem with that. While I think that animals can be raised with compassion, there’s nothing compassionate about killing a calf.
I ended up telling my dad after we ordered. Being the great guy that he is he told me that if I had spoken up before hand he wouldn’t have ordered it.
Lesson learned.
As a dietitian-in-training, friends and family will sometimes flat-out ask me “Is this healthy?” and hold up what they’re eating. If I’m not asked or if it’s someone I don’t know too well, I don’t normally bring it up, but I may find a way to work whatever it is into the conversation.
However, when it comes to my family, I occasionally will point out (gently) to my dad that the steak on his plate actually accounts for his entire protein needs for the day, or I’ll tell my mom that is ordering x is going to make her feel guilty, maybe she should try something she feels better about. I also try to encourage my dining companions to eat vegetables : )
Road trips are tough, though, since being in an enclosed space with that smell is just not cool—I hate when people bring McDonald’s on the subway in NYC.
Definitely a fine line. I would say something if I was super close to the person, but sometimes even with friends I hold back. I’ve learned that speaking out and being preachy just causes fights and tension which I never want. I prefer to lead by example!
I agree with you, Gabriela. I have been dealing with people questioning my food choices since I was a little girl (I’ve been a vegetarian since about age 12), so I know how annoying it can be to have to defend your choices. I’ve taken to eating lunch at my desk or in my car just to avoid my coworkers’ interrogations (even that doesn’t work though!). I don’t mind when someone is curious and wants to learn, but I can’t stand when I feel judged, especially WHILE I’m eating.
I do have to say that I would definitely be judging the McDonald’s choice internally. At this point in time, how could you not be informed about how gross McDonald’s is? It is all over the media, and I don’t understand how an adult can willingly eat something so foul. That, in turn, raises the topic of low income families and how many times, crap like McDonalds is all they can afford. But that is a totally different, lengthy topic so don’t get me started!
I definitely think you should not say anything. Maybe he never eats fast food except for road trips. Maybe he didn’t want to hold you guys up by going to a place where you had to get out of the car and walk in. Maybe he’d had a hellish week and just needed an Egg McMuffin to feel better.
I would totally eat an Egg McMuffin if I was with a group and they stopped at McDonald’s. After my marathon, I got an order of McDonald’s fries. My world did not crash around me, and I’ve been to McDonald’s once in 2 years, and I spent like $2 there. I was fine with that.
It’s entirely different if you’re close to someone and see them consistently making unresponsible food choices. Even then it’s a fine line, but I think offering up advice in that situation would be reasonable. But if it’s someone you don’t know that well and you if you have no idea what they’re eating consistently, I don’t think it’s a big deal.
I probably wouldn’t have said anything. I have recently realized that when I talk about food sources and why I eat less meat/chicken than I used to that I sound like a know it all or elitist. That’s my opinion, and I don’t like sounding like that. I also don’t know if that’s what people think, but I’ve noticed it in myself more. I want to educate and become knowledgeable for myself and share what I’ve learned if people are curious. But when I offer unsolicited opinions, I feel like I’m putting someone down. You can share your opinions with me anytime!
Part of his request to go through the drive through might have been to be more convenient to you guys. I hate stopping at fast food places, but I also hate asking my driver to stop at someplace that is going to take longer.
That being said, the smell of that grease would have made me sick as well.
I think the problem you run into here is that a lot of people have feelings of shame associated with food, especially if that person has struggled with weight. I remember once, in college, sitting in my dorm room with a diet microwavable pizza in front of me, and not being able to eat it because I was crying (because of shame that I was overweight, shame that I was having to eat something “diet”, shame that I really wished it was a decent piece of pizza, shame that I was along in my dorm room…). Presenting information is one thing, but pointing to a specific food choice that someone is making and saying, “yeah, that’s just gross, buddy,” frames that person’s choice as a shameful one, and I don’t feel like that’s a beneficial association to have toward food, regardless of the quality of the food.
I totally get you! I’ve been put in this situation numerous times before. (Even in college I used to lecture people not to smoke) But then I realized that people do have to make their own choices. You can’t dictated to them and put your beliefs on them. I would have just casually told him about your blog and said he should read it!
Awesome post! I don’t do fast good, I haven’t touched it in a long time. I’m very picky when it comes to what I put in my mouth. I’ve been put in that situation where my friends all want BK, McDonalds, etc… and I just don’t eat that. I’ve voiced my opinion before on the issue but no one cares and they don’t want to listen. I don’t like sounding like I’m better than anyone else either so I just let it go and let them decide for themselves. I can only take care of myself, no one else. I think as a friend you should express it on a light note but never be pushy, no one likes being told what to eat. Good luck 🙂 Luckily my bf isn’t like that so I don’t have to go through this crap with him lol
Great post!
I have the same feelings towards fast food as well. Not only that it is detrimental to our health, but where & how these fast good chains get their food is awful & unethical in my opinion.
Super awesome of your husband to initiate a different place to eat instead of having to compromise.
I disagree with your feelings on MacDonalds. Can you verify that he eats there all the time or is this once in a blue moon type thing? And, fast food restaurants are now offering healthy items for the health conscience people on the go that are not vegans or even aware of the option. I would consider myself high vegetarian who likes to indulge once in a while with a meat option. Once or twice a year, I eat a quarter pounder with cheese at MacDonalds, and about once a year I eat an Egg McMuffin. Does this mean I am an awful person or making unhealthy choices? No. I think you were being a little self-righteous when you immediately assumed that MacDonald’s is an every day option for him and that he is an unhealthy eater.
no i havent seen it – thanks for the rec. ill be looking into it for sure.
“McDonald’s represents everything my blog is against.”
That’s your blog–not the real world. Maybe blogging represents everything he is against and McDonald’s was the cheapest, quickest option (as to not inconvenience the produce princess, evidently.)
I doubt he chose it to personally assault your senses. Good lord. It’s not like he sat on you and forced you to eat a (gasp) egg or something. Think outside yourself for a minute and get off that high horse.
Um, that should have read, “alone in my dorm room.” Three cheers for belated proofreading!
I was actually re-reading my post because I can’t decide if I’m saying what I want to say clearly…I do think that education about food and its impact on health is important (after all, I’m a nurse too, on a primarily stroke floor, so I see the effects of unhealthy lifestyle choices everyday), but I think that there are helpful ways to approach it, and ways that are less helpful. I hope that makes sense.
Well, first of all I have to compliment you one awesome discussion this post has generated. However, as to the main issue I have to say I think it would have been really rude to pick apart someone else’s food choice. He didn’t ask you for your opinion on what he was eating. I have always loved reading this blog because although I am not a vegan I always felt that you were welcoming to people with many eating styles – that it was ok for me as a meat-eater to stop by and pick up a recipe for vegan cheese sauce. However, lately the blog has seemed really preachy. I understand that you are extremely passionate, and as a nurse I can only imagine how frustrating it must be day in and day out to see how people have been crippled by their food choices. But as someone who has been slowly learning to eat healthy and make better choices I can tell you that sometimes when people try to “teach” you or criticize your choices it just makes you feel ashamed of your food choices and more resistant to change because of those negative feelings.
hey guys. i just wanted to offer up a few words as i’m a bit perplexed by your responses. i read them again and again, and they come across pretty harsh given how open minded my initial thoughts were on the issue.
i felt i was very clear on my own concern for coming across exactly like you assume i did (preachy and judgmental). when it comes to food choices, i am ALWAYS overly conscientious of not imposing my views on others. in fact, i feel i emphasized the tact and respect needed to successfully share one’s views quite well in this post. i am assuming if you read my blog with some regularity you know what kind of person i am. i am open minded. i am thoughtful. i am aware that my opinions are mine and mine alone. so please know that when i am expressing myself in this post and sharing with you all my inner struggle, i am coming from a humble and good place. i was neither rude nor condescending to him and i made no disrespectful remarks about his food choices. in general, im very good at reading people and knowing the approach to take. like i said, he was very receptive to my comments and had NO PROBLEM eating elsewhere. had this been a different person and different situation, i cant say if id do the same, but i assure you, this was one of the times that i spoke up because i knew it was going to be taken for how i meant it. education with love. i too hate “those vegans” who ruin it for the rest of us…please see this post: http://hungryhungryhippie.com/2010/11/23/something-looks-familiar/
i also wanted to clear up a few additional things that you and others have been mentioning:
– i had no issue stopping for food. my having eaten prior did not play into the situation at all. we offered to get him food prior to picking him up, as i mentioned, but he didnt get the text in time. we gladly made another stop at a bagel shop for him to get food.
– he wasnt dead set on mcd’s. he had no problem going elsewhere. the assumption that i foiled his one and only desires of the morning is pretty far off. i guarantee he didnt give a second thought to the matter.
– parts of your comment are unnecessarily harsh. it’s ironic how quick you are in condemning my actions. in judging me, arent you basically doing the same?
– it takes speaking out to make a change in the world. im not saying i want to be the aggressive person challenging meat eaters’ each and every bite. but sometimes being the change you want to see is a difficult road. yes, everything in moderation is generally a good rule. but what about the power of one? today’s obesity epidemic is no joke. its frightening. truly. and jamie oliver is fighting an uphill battle, requiring lots of support. so if everyone has the attitude that my one voice wont make a difference, then we are failing as a society. knowing the toll that fast food has on a person’s health, i dont think its unreasonable to demand better for our country. sure, this is an isolated incident, but thats how habits are built.
– this individual was happy to hear my thoughts!!!! dont be afraid to assume the best in people!!
thank you gabriela and katherine for your thoughtful comments. its weird how its such a double standard for certain “unhealthy” lifestyle choices. not only in smoking being acceptable to bash, but by contrast, how “healthy eating” requires defending.
i too am a hop skip and a jump away from a longer rant…
i think this is a perfect approach to the issue and appreciate your thoughtful and respectful comment. sometimes its not the time and place, but sometimes it is. its good that you can use your judgement to determine when its right.
thank you emily. there was definitely no conflict! im not the kind of person who is going to argue over an issue. if someone is willing to hear my views, ill share, but if they arent, i totally dont want to impose. thats how vegans get a bad name, and thats what im overly conscientious about avoiding 🙂 thanks for the comment!
thats nice that you were so respectful of his choices. now he knows how you feel and you know where he stands. i think this shows how respect and tact in broaching the issue leads to a positive outcome all around. thanks for sharing!
im glad someone else thinks i want being unreasonable in describing the smell as a deterrent. its nasty and i cant help that its makes me queasy!!
the “is this healthy” question is a tough one. for me, i try and let people know that no one food is “good” or “bad” and thats not the best way to think of things. if they are curious, i share the effect of the macronutrients on the body and discuss how it affects one’s physiology as a whole. making foods categorically healthy or not healthy is a slippery slope and things just arent that black and white.
I think the situation was handled quite nicely. You all ended up agreeing on a bagel place and no one jumped out and decided to walk to Palo Alto. I say, mission accomplished 🙂 And then you had a conversation about nutrition and disease prevention to boot.
I stopped eating meat awhile back for exactly those reasons however I am in no way opposed to others eating meat I just choose not to. I find it funny however that people who do eat it get very defensive about it.
I didn’t announce or in any way mention the changes I made in my eating habits. As others noticed it though they did ask and I simply said I chose to change my diet. Some people shrugged and then continued on other topics but a lot of people have prodded for more information and then spent time trying to shoot down my ideas and convince me that meat is the way to eat. I enjoy having informed discussions with people but don’t feel that my diet should be attacked either.
Getting off topic here I guess but I personally don’t feel that you (or Kyle) said anything wrong.
hey molly, thanks for your comment. i agree that theres a difference pending the questions you raised. i would never impose my own views if i werent sure about some of the issues you mentioned… i have hung out with him a few times and we are close enough that i knew he would be open to what i had to say. still, i didnt get preachy or give a lesson because thats just not who i am. i can read a person and a situation pretty well and as a result, broach the subject with tact. being respectful (first and foremost) of others’ lifestyle choices ensures that any advice or information is received with the love it was intended. hes a somewhat healthy person, but ive seen him eat crap (for lack of a better word) on a few different occasions. i also knew he would be happy to go elsewhere. time wasnt an issue, which is why we suggested a different place. he had no problem with this and probably didnt even give it a second thought.
i certainly hope nobody’s “world would crash around them” immediately after eating fast food! 🙂
hey marci, i know what you mean. i definitely am overly conscientious about being “that girl” when it comes to voicing my opinions.
just food for thought though…why is it that im made to feel like the oddball when im eating my healthy lunches in the break room at work. it seems like theres a bit of a double standard when it comes to what kinds of judgement are acceptable.
anyway. in general, im right there with you. unsolicited opinions are obnoxious. however, if a person is interested, im an open book!
great comment jess. while i tend to think this may be more of a female thing than male thing, i can see your point. in this case, i assure you, he wasnt experiencing shame, but under different circumstances, thats definitely something to be mindful of. in that case, i agree with you, that it would be unwise to raise your voice about food choices. some people are not ready for that kind of information. its definitely important to pay attention to cues around you and make sure you are being respectful of how the other person feels about food choices in general.
I mean this in a respectful way, even though it might come across as blunt. It’s hard to convey some things in writing, and I think this is one of those things. I’ve been reading your blog for about 6 months and have enjoyed it. This might be my first comment ever.
I’m a vegan, and am also very anti-fast food, so you would think I would agree with this post. But I do not. I do not feel it is anyone’s place to tell anyone else what it right or wrong to eat. Even though you say you “certainly don’t want to be that obnoxious person talking sh!t about others’ food choices,” you were. I disagree with your thought that it is your “job” and “responsibility” to educate others on nutrition. This job and responsibility falls to nutritionists and dieticians, and only when someone has requested their services, or they are incapacitated (i.e. in a hospital setting and you are planning their meals). While I very much respect that you do know a lot about health and nutrition, especially because you’re a nurse and you see the effects first hand, I don’t think it is anyone’s place to tell others what they should or should not eat. As much as you are “ok” with eating nutritiously, someone else is “ok” with eating fast food. To each their own. While any bit of nutrition knowledge should tell someone fast food is not good for them, they have the right to eat it anyways, and shouldn’t have to feel bad for making that decision.
Again, I meant this response in a respectful way, even though it might not seem like it. I am glad this person decided on the bagel place in the end, and I look forward to reading your blog in the future.
thanks for your comment katherine. im sorry you feel im getting overly educational. i want to bring information to the forefront, but definitely not in a preachy way. i agree that getting attacked about food choices can be very off-putting. nobody wants to have guilt and negativity associated with their meals. i hope that you have never felt that i personally have criticized others’ food choices, though, because i never ever expect my own dietary decisions to be the same as anyone else’s. im a very inclusive person when it comes to diet and always want people to feel that veg-friendly eating is something anyone and everyone can do. even in small bits. my husband is not a a vegan or vegetarian and clearly this has never been an issue in our relationship.
additionally, id like to defend myself and say that i never “picked apart” his food choice. the entire situation was completely conflict free, and he never cared that we went to a bagel place instead of mcdonald’s. i made no remarks whatsoever about the specifics of mcdonald’s food or any items he may select, and it was actually kyle who chimed in to say we would prefer to go to a different place. i promise he didnt give it a second thought. i would never impose my views unsolicited. thats obnoxious. im far more perceptive to how information will be received. ill share when i feel its the right time and place.
i agree with you on the excellent discussion this post prompted, and i want to thank you for reading and sharing your opinion.
I LOVE that you are so passionate about it and sharing your knowledge. I think it’s awesome that Kyle came to the rescue too 🙂
Danica
hey valerie! first off, thanks for reading. second, i think your comment was both thoughtful and respectful. you are entitled to your beliefs, and you make some good points, and i can see where they come from. i appreciate you taking the time to voice your thoughts. like you said, its hard to convey the situation in writing. either way, this post and the discussion that it has generated has prompted much reflection on my part (and maybe on others’ parts as well). again, thanks for a coherent, intelligent counter to my view.
hey jacey. you’re right, this is my blog, and therefore, i feel its my place to share my thoughts. i didnt have this discussion with him, i didnt write an article in the NY Times, i wrote about here on my (small) blog so that we could all have a nice dialogue with thoughtful commentary, while still being respectful of each others’ personal choices.
i know my blog is not the real world, but i do believe in what i write and i feel it is a bit unfair that my passion for health be condemned. you are in essence judging me the same way you are accusing me of judging him.
hey hallie, please see my above comment to “reader” and “another reader” because i feel your accusation that im being self righteous is a bit misplaced.
its a bit hypocritical for you to accuse me of judging someone else, when you yourself are condemning me in the process.
i would hardly suggest that you (or anyone else) is an “awful person” for making unhealthy choices. its off subject and unrelated to call one’s personality into trait purely based on dietary decisions. i would never draw such a ridiculous conclusion.
anyway, i hope you know that im perceptive to the person and situation enough to feel it out before imposing my own views. i meant for this discussion to be about raising your voice in general. this isolated incident had no conflict whatsoever.
true tara. thats entirely possible. in the end, we didnt care much about speed, so it all worked out. 🙂
i agree! leading by example is a perfectly (non-confrontational) approach.
I wanted to clarify – I don’t think you did pick apart his eating. I was trying to say it would have been rude if you did. I hope that you don’t feel attacked by the responses this post is receiving – as I said I think it is an amazing post because it’s creating such a great conversation. I understand what a difficult position you are in as someone with a lot of nutrition and medical knowledge. I try very hard to eat well and my family does not. I know that feeling of looking over at my overweight brother’s plate of chicken fingers and being scared to death he’ll have a heart attack in a few years (we have a lot of heart disease in my family). I just have personally found that healthy decisions seem to stick better when they come from a place of self-realization. But again – please feel good about this post – it was very honest and interesting.
I love this post! 🙂 It sure has generated a buzz. As a future nurse, I find it important that people are educated on the decisions they are making with their nutrition. It may not have an effect on your health today or the next day but it seems like people forget to look at the big picture!
I try very hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The smell of fast food makes me nauseous as well. I think it is great to share your beliefs with others and this is something that I try to do but I always feel like I’m preaching. I try not to be judgemental of the other choices people make but I always get accused of being judgemental and I’m not trying to be! I get a lot of crap for the habits I have chosen in my life, which seems very unfair to me!
I tend to be more on the “set by example” side.
I never really TELL people what they should or shouldn’t eat, but just hope that through example I can inspire others to ask questions about my eating habits, health, and nutrition.
That being said, you see day in and day out the tragedy that the American diet causes in patients so I understand your passion.
But heck, even I eat mickey d’s once every 3-4 months.
Either way, being passionate about health is NEVER a bad thing in my book. People need more education.
thank you katherine. i appreciate your comment and your feedback in general about this issue and my blog. the best part about writing this blog is the commentary certain posts generate. while its sometimes hard to put my thoughts out there for anyone and everyone to judge, its still worth it because in the end, it forces me to grow. writing is tricky though, because even the most well intended words, can lose their meaning without the right tone. and since everyone reads things differently, it can be hard to convey exactly what i want all the time. i hope that you (and other readers) know that i am truly open and accepting of everyone’s lifestyle choices. i mean no disrespect in voicing my thoughts. this is just my view, and im not delusional enough to believe that my way is the right way or the only way.
it seems an unfair double standard to me, that healthy choices can be judged and thats not seen as picking on someone’s personal decisions, whereas commenting on a person’s less healthy habits is automatically seen as rude and preachy.
i think your take on this issue is a perfect one. lead by example. thanks for supporting my passion for health 🙂
That’s the point I was trying to make in my above post. Obviously I don’t have a way with words. That’s why you have the blog and I read the blog. As a newish vegan I’m finding it frustrating always defending myself when I go out of my way to NOT bring it up or in any way offens anyone else.
I’m so curious about the other comments to your question about what to do or say about others eating habits. I’m always restraining myself from saying things to family members, but sometimes I speak out too. It’s really hard to know where to draw the line. At the same time I love the comment about setting the example and that’s part of why I started a food blog, to help people I know see that eating healthy foods isn’t a bad thing or hard. And plus, when I sit down to eat with them I’m sure they notice all the veggies on my plate and very few on theirs, you know what I mean?
yup, and i agree 100%
haha, i knew what you meant 🙂
Haha yes—I think this is why they make RDs take so many courses that focus on biochemistry and physiology. Being able to explain to someone who asks why their low carb diet isn’t really doing them any favors is a skill I’m proud to have.
I agree—getting into “good food”/”bad food” territory is quite a slippery slope. We’re all so different and have such different needs, it’s hard to generalize. The bigger picture of your eating habits is really what matters.
Great post. As you described what was going through your mind, I could completely relate. I would have had the same struggle. I think I also would have suggested another b’fast stop. Having to smell McD’s in the car would have made me gag too.
So now that I know that you really think hard about these things, I have a somewhat related question for you. I hope you will answer, and perhaps some of your readers will also answer. This is something I’m going to soon be facing. Question: how would you handle it if you were having family members stay at your home with you for a week. They want to purchase and cook their own meat/animal products. Would you let them and be OK with it? Would you clear fridge space for them? Would you also offer to cook them healthy vegan meals to go along with their meat meals?
I like to think that the best action in general is to let people make their own decisions without preaching, educating, or making them feel guilty. However, if they show even a little bit of interest the action should be to educate away.
My husband and I don’t eat at McDonald’s, but when we make the drive between Philly and RI he often buys a tea from there, thereby supporting the golden arches. How do you feel about that?
Interesting point. I actually think that by buying the healthier options at more mainstream or chain restaurants it encourages them to keep such items on the menu. Always a good thing. Even when I go to steakhouses or other places with friends – while the normal fare may not be my first choice – I can always make it work. Unless a place learns they have a veggie population or diners wanting healthier options they won’t be incentivized to provide such right? So hey! Keep on getting the tea and maybe McDs will trend toward similar items?! What do you think?
I would probably feel inclined to lecture the guy if I had to cave and get it. But I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to refuse to take him based on my personal eating principles. While I feel it’s shocking that some people take their health for granted and don’t make wise nutritional decisions, I can recognize that personal freedom is more important than educating under the presumption of ignorance in every person we come into contact with. Also…I hope nobody would presume that I’m ignorant when I choose to eat a cupcake the size of my face. I feel that my personal beliefs in a whole-foods based diet is something that I make my friends, family and acquaintances aware enough of that they feel comfortable coming to me for advice and recipes but I would never feel comfortable banning anything from anyone.
Well, I guess I am a big fat geek because I totally got the salad reference 🙂
I usually don’t say anything in those situations for two reasons–1) because I avoid conflict at all costs 🙂 And 2, because I don’t know…I wouldn’t let someone tell me to eat meat, so is it really my place to tell them not to? (stand any other food in for “meat”). But I feel your conflict–as a nutritionist it is REALLY hard to bite my tongue. But, people who DO ask me for advice/my opinion? I don’t hold back there, that is for sure. I guess it is just the unsolicited comments/advice I avoid? I don’t know…I wish I were more assertive in these types of situations, though!
Courtney
I am actually appalled every time he comes out of the rest stop with a tea from McDonald’s. I understand it because of the convenience (where else can you get hot tea on a turnpike!) but somehow it still really bothers me. I like your point though… it encourages them to keep such items on the menu.
That’s a hard situation to be in. I would definitely want to say something if that happened to me, but I don’t know how I would say it and not feel like I was coming off as pretentious and judgmental. But I would definitely not want to go to McDonald’s for someone.
Well since my husband isn’t vegetarian this is not difficult for me to answer. We absolutely have meat in our fridge. He bbqs and prepares chicken and fish as he wants and I have no problem with it. My eating habits are mine and mine alone. He respects that and likewise I respect his choices. The same applies when I visit other family or friends or they visit me. I don’t expect them to change their lifestyle to comply with mine and vice versa. If there are any readers with different views I’d love to hear it though.
Great post! Love Gabriela’s comment in particular, re: smoking. I was routinely stopped on the street and heckled as a smoker, but no one seemed to care when I was also starving myself (and I’m sure they wouldn’t have commented if I’d be eating McD’s 3x daily either).
I find this discussion so interesting! I’ve only read a couple comments so far and will read all of them if I’ve got the chance, but wanted to throw in my two cents in the matter.
I have to confess that I like McD’s. not all their stuff, but I like a few of their items for nostalgia sake and their soft serve cone is pretty damn good. And well yes, there are a lot of complicated political and nutritional issues behind fast food industries, but I don’t think there needs to be a lecture or debate leading every Big Mac or McD apple pie.
And I understand you completely about your stand as a health blogger and a health professional, but food is more than just nutrition, you know? I don’t eat McD every day but the occasional McNuggets make me very happy…and that’s more beneficial to my health than any kale salad.
So if it were me and someone started telling me that I shouldn’t be eating fast food because it’ll give me a heart attack, I would be pretty offended and annoyed because it will almost seem like you’re assuming I know nothing and I’m just an idiot who is killing myself when all I want it is a treat that I don’t normally have.
I think there is a time and place to lecture and educate, but other times…let’s just chill and enjoy each other’s company.
That’s my short take on this. 🙂
Yeah. I think we are all pretty much in agreement here that its an in-the-moment call. Not being pretentious or imposing while not being a doormat and abandoning your own beliefs when you meet opposition…tricky line to balance. As long as respectful communication and open mindedness are on the table I think all opinions can be heard.
i tell dan every day to be healthier!! and we are already pretty healthy. before we moved in, he was a meat person (meat at every meal!) but i’ve sneakily substituted beans and legumes in alot of our meals and he is 110% satisfied! (or he is being really nice, but i think he is really satisfied!) spread the word!! hehe. LOVE YOU TWIN xxxxxxxx
The double standard is an interesting (and complex) one for sure. There’s a similar judgment when I eat healthy meals in the break room at work too. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t…
I think that’s a fair statement Sophia. And as I said before, there’s a place for everyones beliefs as long as respect and open mindedness are present. I would definitely never force my opinions one him just to show my own knowledge off. He’s an adult after all. He can do what he wants. The post was just meant to provoke some discussion.
Okay, just caught up with the rest of the comments…seriously interesting conversation. Thanks for opening this discussion up! I love it when there’s an open forum like this.
Oh and I didn’t mean to be berating you or anything, I was just stating my opinion from a personal point of view. I can’t speak for Kyle’s classmate or anyone else but myself…same way you were speaking from your point of position!
I totally feel you with the mcdonalds thing… it’s hard when it’s not technically YOUR friend, because it puts you in a weird “i’m better than you/know more than you do” scenario…
In the case of my friends, I tell em how it is. Otherwise I just hope that other people have good enough friends to let them know, too.
Man alive I am late to the game here. I just wanted to say that 1) I think it is totally fine for you to say no to McD’s. You were driving in your car and let’s be honest…that smell doesn’t go away overnight. 2) McD’s wasn’t the only choice available, so it’s not like you were telling him he had to starve. 3) You and Kyle seem like cool people so I’m sure you weren’t obtrusive in your conversation.
Thought-provoking post! 🙂
I can definitely understand the predicament that put you in. I’d have to say I take more of the “passive-aggressive” approach. Just last week, I went over to my parent’s house and made my mom, sis, and myself salads for lunch topped with all sorts of yum! My dad looked on as I built each salad while eating his not one, but TWO sandwiches on processed white bread (one bologna and cheese, the other pb&j) and his generic hot fries. He just shook his head and I said, “at least I know where all my ingredients come from!” He jokingly flipped over the bag of chips and started reading from the list of ingredients: “monosodium glutamate, red dye #blahdy blah…” He didn’t even know that was MSG!
I think I do pretty well just leading by example. A few of my friends and family members that read my blog have told me about trying new foods and changing their lifestyles and it just makes me so proud! I may not ever be able to change my father’s way of thinking, but every little bit still counts!
Love the “Brutus” take on the Caesar salad! Gave me the giggles!
that salad dressing seriously looks amazing, soo creamy!
I am not trying to cause a fight here, but I think this is a good time to admit something: I feel the same way about your love of Starbucks. To me, Starbucks does not fit with being a self-proclaimed hippie either. I see it the same way as McDonalds. But I have never said anything about it because I feel like you have obviously decided that eating there is in line with your ethics, and for you it works. It just means that you and I have different definitions of “hippie” and different ideas about what it means to be sustainable. When I catch myself judging, then I give myself a little pep talk and remind myself that not everyone has to see things the way I do!
I am quite opinionated and have often said things when I probably shouldn’t (see above), but I do think the way it worked in this case was probably for the best. You arrived at a compromise without having to be combative, even if it was Kyle who spoke up before you. In general, though, I have settled on a place where I choose to say something when I think it might actually make someone reconsider their behaviour. Whereas the younger me was more focussed on letting my opinions be known (with the erroneous belief that this would lead to change behaviour), the older me is more concerned about focusing on the approaches that are most likely to lead to a substantive and long-lasting change in behaviour.
I would just like to add that I think you are awesome, Elise, and that your passion and compassion radiate through your blog which is the reason I always come back. The day you give up on your convictions and your passion is a day the world loses a strong advocate. Your conscientiousness and desire to “catch more flies with honey” (an ironic idiom for a vegan, no? lol) is clear as can be in this post!
sending you love!
Ooooo!!! I WANT this!!! I love love live Caesar but it does not always love me back. I’m so on it on getting this stat!!! Thanks E!!
Hey Elise!
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now too, and like the others have mentioned, you are always very inspiring, positive and educational about food choices. I LOVE that.
As far as the McDonalds issue… I have to say that I think you handled yourself beautifully. I too, can not STAND the smell of fast food, and if stopping at McD’s meant enduring a long car ride with that smell in my nose I would have certainly spoken up. And I really don’t see that as harm done. It’s not like you are going into your neighborhood McDonalds and approaching customers about their food choices. You were in a situation where it really did affect you personally and you saw fit to deal with it. Plus you did so with style and poise. Well done.
It’s strange but this has been an issue in my life as well. I moved in with my grandparents last winter to save money while I finish school and in doing so I have been exposed to their atrocious eating habits. Both of them are overweight and my grandfather has a progressive dementia that keeps getting worse. The research I have done has told me that diet and exercise can help with Alzheimer’s and dementia, but I am not sure how to approach them on this issue. Just last night they had chips and pepperoni pizza for appetizers and microwave dinners afterward. I sat and watched (somewhat in horror) while I enjoyed a bowl of oatmeal and fruit. I just don’t UNDERSTAND why they keep doing this to their bodies! It baffles me! I wish I could figure out a way to kindly approach them and especially educate my grandmother that my grandpa is only going to get worse if he keeps treating his body this way 🙁 It is very sad for me to even think about.
Anyway, sorry for the long comment but I needed somewhere to vent and I have to speak eloquently on my blog because my grandma reads it! lol
Love your blog, love your style, LOVE it, so keep it comin’
xo -Lindsay
I think that esp as a cardiac nurse, you have every right to be passionate about educating people because of what you see on a daily basis. I appreciate too that you “practice what you preach.” When my grandfather was on the cardiac floor of our local hospital i was shocked at the size of some of the nurses — there were even some who reeked of cigarettes! I don’t know, perhaps i’m too judgmental and hold those who work in healthcare to a higher standard… ?
Tofu! My Favorite! 😀 I’m quite interested with that vegan salad dressing 😉
I too love it when a good discussion gets going. I totally understand your point sophia, and i think you are right that food doesnt have to be just nutrition and nothing more. for most people theres a good deal more to the whole experience of eating.
hey sarah. thanks so much for this comment. i think you hit the point dead on regarding when to speak up and when to bite your tongue – and i especially love how it took a process of growth and maturity to come to that realization.
when it comes down to it, the entire reason for saying anything at all should be entirely dependent upon the other person, not your own desire to share your opinions just to share your opinions. what ultimately matters is if you feel your words will be received in a way that will make a difference.
regarding starbucks – i knew it was only a matter of time before someone commented on my love affair with the bux. 🙂 its actually something i think about (and agonize over) all the time in my own life because youre right, its a bit of a contradiction as compared to how i (try) to live my life. there are a lot of things i dont like about starbucks. but there are also a lot of things i do. youre right, though, that everyone has different priorities in how they want to live. in terms of supporting the siren, its mostly a matter of convenience and price. 99% of the time i use my own mug for my coffee with soy milk. this costs me 50 cents which is hard to beat when im out and about. in a perfect world i would brew my own tea, but for now, im not there. yet. anyway, thanks again for your comment. i really appreciate hearing your thoughts.
ha! i never realized how ironic that idiom is in this circumstance! anyway, thank you so much for your kind and supportive comment. it was such a nice thing to read, and truly means so much to me.
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How judgmental of you! You should have let him chain smoke the whole way up as well – you wouldn’t want to impose your radical beliefs on him!
Elise, Im sorry that you received so many harsh comments. That is just too bad. I wrote about this subject on my blog a week or so ago. Here is the link…
http://diaryofavegangirl.blogspot.com/2011/04/lets-respect-each-other.html
I was basically talking about how we all need to respect each other and the comments that people were leaving you were veery disrespectful. I think that if you disagree with something, you should respectfully disagree. I know that it takes a lot to speak you mind when blogging and its too bad when you have stuff like that happen. Anyway, I enjoy reading your blog and hope you have a great night!
I’m sorry, too, that you received so many harsh comments. I’ll admit I was actually a bit surprised when you said in your post that you wanted to have that conversation with him, but hey. I found myself chuckling a bit at myself because my first thought was that it didn’t sound like a very Elise thing to say and then I had to remind myself that I don’t really know you and I’m just your blog follower! Haha. Maybe
Interestingly, I was in a McDonald’s the other day out of a genuine lack of choices and so I went up and perused the menu and suddenly my eyes lit up. They had an apple walnut snack pack! I ordered it and the lady behind the counter looked confused and told me, without so much as turning around behind her, that she didn’t think they carried that anymore. Her coworker jumped in and said that no, it was the thing in the fridge that nobody ever orders. (At this point I am not feeling super awesome about the freshness of said snack pack.) Long story short, the apples were delicious but obviously coated in some kind of preservative, the walnuts were throughly encrusted in a thick layer of sugar, and it came with a vanilla yogurt dipping sauce so sweet I wouldn’t want to frost a dang cake with it.
So I guess there’s something for making your healthy voice heard, but in this particular case it didn’t feel wholly successful.
Um, at the end of that first paragraph I didn’t men “Haha… maybe!” The maybe was a typo. 🙂
I don’t think you could ever be pretentious or imposing…clearly you handled it really well! He was open and responsive, which I doubt he would have been if you had bee attacking him or rude etc. I think you did great, really 🙂
Courtney
thanks girl. i swear it wasnt even an issue in the moment. the opportunity to speak up came and went, and it was only my internal thought process after that prompted the post discussion!
haha. i am a nice person i swear! my blog is a reflection of me, but i know that in written words, tone and voice can get lost. it wasnt even an issue in the moment – kyle spoke up and i was grateful i didnt have to. we all talked about the health care field afterwards, but in a completely non-confrontational way. i guess people just wanted to speak their minds in the comment section – which is fine – but sometimes people forget that its not a wall they are talking to. im a real person with real (and valid) feelings!
anyways, thanks for sharing your mcd’s experience. kinds sounds miserable.
thanks lauren – i appreciate your kind words. im interested to see what you said and how people reacted. i think that sometimes when others leave comments they forget that its not a wall they are talking to. im a real person with real (and valid) feelings!
haha. love it.
I don’t eat fast food, ever. But if that guy wants to eat McD’s, it’s up to him. That being said, I think it’s totally fine to say something to him. The thing that is so frustrating for me is not that people eat that food, it’s that they eat the food and have no idea what they are eating. I don’t often comment about what people eat (I’m a wuss), but I want to tell them, eat what you want, but know what you are eating. I know it’s just the way it is, but I hate when people mistake individuals (like yourself) trying to inform as judgement. The companies are going to do everything they can do not let you know what is in their food (I realize there is nutritional info on the website, but it’s often hard to find/read). I think so long as you tell people in a educational not a preachy way, it’s cool.
Also, people have to realize you said something to a guy, which is soooo different than saying it to a female. I can promise you he hasn’t given what you said a second thought, and so I hope you don’t stress about it.
I think you did the right thing. Knowledge is power.
WOW what a great post and what a great slew of comments. I just spent my whole lunch reading, so I won’t say much. Only that I agree with your original post completely and think you are a real level headed lady. And I love you.
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I’m pretty confrontational and blunt so I would have straight up said something like, “Ew McDonalds. You don’t need that mess.” Not because I like telling people what to eat, simply because it is mess and gross. I don’t try to push my food views on people, but I will speak up and express myself. I liked this post. And I’m glad you guys were able to talk about the issue afterwards.
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I think you shouldn’t have said anything and I am glad Kyle saved the day because it would have been particularly awkward for all involved.